Author: Rick Arellano | Category: #health | Published: 7 december 2023
I tend to consider myself a pickup artist in the sense of picking women on the street, and talking to people we don't know. And this for a lot of guys generates a little level of stress, and that distance to cover is too high. Too much. And we contract a little bit, it's a reaction from the body.
And once you are stressed, nothing good can come out. So I will focus first on enjoyment, if you are doing that, and enjoyment and pickup are essential. I think, the best attempts are the ones that once your life is running smoothly. It's better.
The trenches
I remember a time when, in 2020, I was writing my first book and I was following the advice from Stephen Pressfield an author focused on, resilience and writing abilities creativity, and authenticity. And he released, he was working on his stuff and he released his process on writing, he called it: In the trenches.
Like the military term when waiting for, the attack and, but at the same time feeling the weight of the war, feeling the weight of the fog of war. And he was on the editorial notes sent by his editor, and he couldn't accept that. He couldn't accept that his book, or draft, had failed.
And so that dark moment gets even darker I could tell you at another time, but I want to say that, creative, dark moments are good, and are the best memories in the long run.
The science: Cortisol levels
Jocko Willink, among others of course. Jocko is a Navy seal that is focused on self-help and, and ownership of your emotional state and your responsibilities. And Jocko also focuses on workouts and health.
And he says, among others, science backs this, is that cortisol the hormone that is released when we are stressed can't get too high because otherwise you end up fatigued. And we don't want to go fatigued, right? All day. So cortisol must be at, from 0 to 100, must be at 20 25%, I must say, to be an enjoyable sensation.
So, if you are stressed out you are tired, but not 'good tired' you are tired from responsibility and trying to match a schedule to match deadlines, you might find that you are too worried about the bad outcomes, what you don't want to happen, rather than what you want to happen.
No cold approach
If we go back to pick up, for many it's a stressful moment. A jump into the void, into the fray, as some people say. And, and other people would say there is no cold approach.
If you are enjoying your life, you rarely think about that. But, if you think about that, if you think about the jump and you want to overcome that with courage with some guts, I would say that is not the best approach. I would say that, even if you have to go to the other side, you have to enjoy your life, even indulge in certain pleasures.
First, I would say coffee is a guilty or good pleasure to me, and I indulge in that. Indulgence is not bad per se. It's an out for stress sometimes. So I must say also that many authors say that, wealth, is what we have when we are rich or something, and we share the value that is generated. Wealth is not stored.
You do nothing if you've store it. Wealth is performed. You have to perform it in front, in the eyes of others, in front of others. And you have to play a character a little bit. So these two things can be an out if you are looking for quick solutions. So, the first task is to indulge in good quality products.
Indulge like good coffee or good wine, good cheese, you name it. But you have to spend a little bit on unessential things, I must say, but that raises the quality of your life a little bit.
So, the next step is to be aware even Pressfield says that the problem is the problem. The problem is not yourself. The problem is not you. The problem is the problem. Whatever you define the problem.
Sleeping cycles
And let me know if you have serious problems with sleeping cycles, with insomnia. I must say that I'm not a medical practitioner, so disclaimer, don't take this as professional advice, but if you want to go deep from here hear me out. In any case, I think insomnia is because it's a conceptual label that we put when we have some power over us.
And we don't want to address that thing.
And we don't want to face, that power source. And we need to have a certain schedule. We need to be at a certain hour. And our body is reacting. Our body is telling us the truth. And, and, but our minds are still engaged in that. power struggle. And so for me, there is no insomnia.
There is, some energy retained. There is some misalignment between what, your body wants a jailbreak. I must say it's the right concept. Your body is looking for a jailbreak to escape the situation. And I must say, I must ask you what wakes you up, man. What wakes you up in the morning is a good way to analyze the situation.
Are you dragging yourself out of bed?
Or are you waking up at some random moment?
Or are you scared of something?
You have to take a look at those things. And as Stephen Pressfield says, creative panic is good. It's a good thing. If you are in the middle of a project, of a worthwhile ptroject, of course, there is a moment of, in every enterprise, there is a death valley and in the middle of that death valley is full fear and full doubts that the project will be complete.
And you, you only have to go forward and it is not a pretty moment of course. It's like the trenches, we can go further, we can't go back, we are in the middle, right? So, if you don't have a creative project or creative outlet, I must say that you must find one. Find a project that keeps you awake, that keeps you tired.
Good tired. This is debatable, of course, but find a good project. A good creative outlet and fun. Fall asleep exhausted, like when Todd Henry, an author used to say die empty. Not as an order, as a power struggle (with some boss), but as a thing you release and you sleep like, man, that was all that I had to give that day.
Jailbreak
So second thing I want you to do is to remember that the moment of the breakthrough is the moment of the breakdown. You have to get worse a little bit to get better. And it's basically a release of energy. So, seeking support, and talking with someone, close to family members could be a good outlet.
If you can't find it, find it online. Specialists are everywhere. Chiropractors, Chinese medicine, Qi-gong, you name your favorite outlet and unload the energy, Unloading the energy retained could be, a good process.
And that's what I do to overcome this moment. So, reach out if you are a little trapped. Don't stay alone. And if you are alone in the trenches, but doing something worthwhile, stay there, and keep it up. It will be remembered as the best moment later on.
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The difference
Author: Rick Arellano | Category: #authenticity | Published: 30 march 2023
Today I will review once again a general sweep of interesting topics that you could even say that I am passionate about, that are powerful, or impacted my development.
The goal of this article is to give you an overview on how to get better at relationships, through being authentic (and people getting attracted to you, and the way you approach things).
This time. Yes, I am not going to talk about external sources. I will talk about a slightly broader topic: the difference that makes the difference.
To explain what it’s about, it’s necessary to say what is precisely what I am passionate about that concept, which is a way of understanding relationships.
The difference that makes the difference is understood by isolating the components that make a product, a conversation, or any interaction have an impact beyond the ordinary.
The Authentic Man Program, a course released in 2007 by what I consider experts on this, used to say: every experience a human can have is teachable. I agree with that statement.
..
If we go super slow to detect exactly what happened in social interaction, internally and externally, it is possible to reproduce and learn a little about how the internal experience was precisely. Then, we don’t want to try to duplicate it but rather learn from that person’s motivations to try to emulate deeply or try to follow someone who inspires us and has those skills beyond the ordinary.
For example, in relational practice. It is established that admitting our own experience helps other people to understand what the person is experiencing. Relationships, of course, are more complicated than that. They are messy sometimes.
So we need verbal tools the other person would understand. To get precisely what we were feeling and let the person receive the impact of that experience.
To isolate the difference that makes the difference, we avoid reporting what we did. We do not report an emotion. A deep emotion needs something else.
Say something intense happened to us. If we report it, it won’t turn out as well as experiencing firsthand or at the same time.
So a degree of vulnerability is required to make this happen because if we are not open to risk or a level of surprise here, the great moments will not be available.
So. Trying to isolate that requires putting in a great degree of attention and slowing things down a bit to say: hey stop right there.
This is done as a practice to detect exactly what it is, what are, or what were our unconscious mechanisms. Our actions produce the opposite effect of what we are looking for.
...
For example, in male-female relationships, let’s take the case of attraction.
Men want to find the difference that makes the difference, to make them more attractive.
But to do that, we need to apply these techniques that stretch time a bit, taking a few seconds to analyze the behavior.
The idea was to expand time a bit to see what was really happening, what the intention was, what unconscious twitches they had, and what unnecessary expressions they had. Expressions they didn’t want to do, but they do anyway. What was the thing causing a stir or a different experience in the other person?
Aligning these things or the elements I mentioned we can start to isolate what makes the difference.
This requires a particular order, of course, a method to be able, as a methodology, to pay attention and facilitate exchanges that have to do with this stretching of time.
This is what I can synthesize in this way of capturing a moment for our benefit and our communities understanding of the persons involved—the understanding they might have about us and our internal experience.
If you get nothing but this: the moment you realize you make or had a twitch. That's enough to start moving forward.
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